Learning Happiness on your Own Terms

"Where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. Rather than always focusing on what's urgent, learn to focus on what is really important." — Stephen Covey

Everything in life is in a constant state of transformation — with or without your permission, so learning to take advantage of those changes is a way of exercising your personal power of finding blessings and opportunities. In spite of wanting the approval of others, NEVER be afraid of being yourself even when you don't conform to what others are doing, thinking, or expecting.

"At this point we are afraid of being ourselves. We are afraid of being unique and different. We are afraid of being individually powerful, and even successful. For all of these things stand against the old ways that told us that conformity was right and individualism was wrong."  — Andrew Schneider

Since we all tend to look for, focus on, and remember negative thoughts, practice being GLAD!  Initially, this cautiousness and watchfullness for threats was necessary to stay alive and is still required now to protect you and others from harm. Unfortunately, this inherited capability also causes you to concentrate on your own feelings of shame, inadequacies, mistakes, failures, and even self-contempt, often to the extreme! Even when you may feel overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, pessimism, low self-esteem, and self-doubt, you can train your mind to focus more on good news rather than to worry about bad news. 

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'"  — Lao-Tzu

Stop wasting your time and energy on negative thoughts. Start finding little things about which to be happy, glad, or pleased. Each positive, thought you have makes it easier later for you to return to that same feel good state of mind whenever you want. After all, you only exist in your own consciousness, so you can always choose to be happy regardless of external factors. 

• Remember at least three good things DAILY in your life [good health, relationships, children, pets, picnics, accomplishments, sunsets, food, etc] that your have experienced.
• Learn to return to and hang onto feelings of gladness by resisting the tendency to focus on negative thoughts.
• Tell others what you're happy about, or what you like about them.
• Smile even when you have nagging worries.
• Be thankful for all those bad things which never happened, or at least weren't as bad as you feared.
• Be happy that certain hard or stressful situations that have ended.
• Stop the habit of letting yourself slip into feelings of resentments, irritations, or worries by giving a name to your thoughts, like grumbling or brooding. Consciously shift your mind to those feel good thoughts instead.

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

Win or Loose

"Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change".  —  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everyone wins some and looses some, and the shift from one to the other can be swift and extreme.  Experience and maturity make learning from, accepting, and forgiving your mistakes easier and worthwhile. 

"That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning."  — Richard Bach

Succeeding starts with visualizing yourself as capable and competent enough to reach your goal. It's very difficult to go somewhere without first knowing where you want to go. 

"Rebellion against your handicaps gets you nowhere. Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world — making the most of one's best."  — Harry Emerson Fosdick

Life is a balancing act that becomes easier with age. You understand more and judge less.

"If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?"  — Rob Bremer

 

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

Infinite change - Finite time

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."  — Annie Dillard

Life is change — period!  Nothing lasts forever, whether good, bad, or indifferent. Although time just keeps marching along, this is not bad news. Knowing the inevitability of change is a powerful motivator to stay focused on your goals and priorities. Until you let go of the guilt, regrets, or shame of yesterday and stop worrying or dreaming about tomorrow, you will never fully enjoy this moment. Living in the now prevents distracting and ineffective activities, and helps use time more efficiently. Live today — this moment — as if it were your last!  

"Time is life. It is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste your time is to waste your life, but to master your time is to master your life and make the most of it."  — Alan Lakein

Acknowledging the unpredictability of your existence helps see and appreciate all the beauty in the world. Your awareness of now should be non-judgmental, purposeful, and objective enough to prevent over-reacting to events. Increasing your mindfulness allows an ever-changing idea of who you think you are and how you feel about yourself. In addition, this awareness opens your view of others and the world, and changes how you perceive your relationships.

"Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it."  — M. Scott Peck

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

Change by Example

Hopefully you've learned that you can't control other people — as troubling as their choices and behavior might be. At best, you can only control your own mind, body, and life.  If you find it hard not to impose your will on others, consider that the desire to control others is driven by insecurity, envy, fear, or the need for power. Think about YOUR motives and put your energy into changing yourself.

 

But if you feel that you simply want to prevent another adult from making a mistake, accept that it's not your job.  Everyone has to make their own mistakes to learn the lessons. You can't learn it for them. And, you honestly don't have the right to take that responsibility for that learning away from them.

 

Fortunately, you do have a very powerful way to influence others though — be a role model. Setting a good example, making wise choices, and exhibiting the behavior you wish in others can be truly empowering. Become an inspiration for someone instead of being demanding and judgmental.