Your Perception of Reality Is YOUR Truth

"What you believe yourself to be — YOU ARE."  — Claude M. Bristol

You are ALWAYS either communicating with others truthfully or lying or withholding information. Truth is based on an abstract what whereas honesty is based on a sense of right and wrong. Doing something deceptively for a "good purpose" is fraud, and eventually becomes part of your truth. Opinions however are simply thoughts and beliefs held by individuals according to their existing experiences in life and are highly subject to change by additional information.

"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now."  — Marcus Aurelius

Being untruthful with either/or yourself and others is very disempowering, leading to anger and blame to keep yourself happy, and eventually you change the "story" to convince yourself of something which isn't factual. As your integrity slips, your self-justifying perceptions leads to self-betrayal by doing something for someone else which you feel isn't right. Your untruths create a distorted reality which becomes your habitual choice of behavior. Fear of not being loved or accepted may prevent you from being totally truthful with others. Sadly, being untruthful increases your stress and expectations with time so you attract and encourage the same untruths from others. 

"You got to look at things with the eye in your heart, not with the eye in your head." — Lame Deer, Medicine Man of the Oglala people

Consider the advantages of telling the total truth as well as what exactly prompts your fears of being truthful [lose of a friend or loved one, showing personal imperfections, or simply upsetting someone else]. Being truthful is the freedom to be who you really are, increases creativity, and allows acceptance of your strengths as well as weaknesses at each stage of your life. This self awareness is empowering and energizing. Plus as you become a better example to others and give more freely of yourself, you'll attract more like-minded people, learn more about yourself, and get out of dissatisfying relationships.

"The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths." — William James

Develop your truths by improving your dependability and reliability to do what you say you'll do, offer ONLY constructive comments, create win-win situations, communicate your feelings clearly, remain loyal to your friends and family and don't spread rumors, take responsibility for your feelings and behaviors but apologize whenever needed, listen closely and respectfully to others, and ALWAYS be willing to do your best while being willing to forgive both yourself and others for making bad choices. Stop making assumptions and taking other's behaviors personal.

"Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to happiness, is an essential lifetime skill."  — Joan Borysenko

So your perceptions of your reality and the judgments you make about your world hinge on the truth as viewed through your filter of emotions. Unfortunately, truth can be manipulated just like statistical data so that each person's perceptions can and will be different, accounting for how individuals hear different things and react accordingly to the conversations inside their OWN minds.

"Change. It has the power to uplift, to heal, to stimulate, surprise, open new doors, bring fresh experience and create excitement in life. Certainly it is worth the risk."  — Leo Buscaglia

Letting truth guide your perceptions builds confidence, self esteem, and self awareness. It strengthens your focus to accomplish your dreams and goals. It dimities your limits to seeing the truth from all sides and opens you to receive others as they are. 

"Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true."  — Demosthenes

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

De-stress Your Life

"In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle
contain it or stand against it."  — Jane Smiley: Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist

Don't let stress ruin your health and happiness. When you start feeling dizzy, tight neck muscles, nauseous, confused, overwhelmed, or aching head, recognize the stress and remember that you always have at least two options [to do something or to do nothing]. 

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time." - Anna Freud, 1895-1982, Austrian-born Psychoanalyst/Psychologist and Daughter of Sigmund Freud

Tap into your personal power to control your expectations, perspectives, and opportunities to relax.

"A step in the wrong direction is better than staying on the spot all our life. Once you're moving forward you can correct course as you go. Your automatic guidance system cannot guide you when you're standing still."  — Maxwell Maltz

Don't think you have to solve every problem by yourself — accept help and advice from friends and family. Prioritize tasks and delegate some to others. Consider how serious a problem will be in one or five years. Is it really that important after all? Don't waste your energy trying to fix something that's beyond your control. Think of all the possible options to survive the worst case scenario then let it go! 

"Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. It is with your thoughts, then, that we must work, if your perception of the world is to be changed." — A Course in Miracles 

When multiple issues create constant unresolved stress, restore your peacefulness as often as needed and possible by doing something nice for yourself — listen to music, mediate, journaling, take a bubble bath, watch a movie or read a book, etc.

"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." —James Allen

Increase your resistance to stress by getting enough sleep and regular relaxation and exercise [yoga, gardening, walking, martial arts, etc], expressing your feelings before a crisis occurs, managing your time well, pre-planning for difficult situations, and being willing to say "no" to too many obligations.

"Never let yesterday use up too much of today."  — Will Rogers: Humorist

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

Blessings and Balance

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"  — Abraham Lincoln

Your perspective of the world and your relationships to all the people and things within your view creates whatever happiness and peace you feel.  When you see each moment of your life as being blessed, centered, and balanced, with love and understanding, acceptance and tolerance, you have no need for power and control. Controlling your own mind, emotions, and behavior is the ONLY POWER YOU HAVE! 

"Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, 'This is the real me,' and when you have found that attitude, follow it." — William James: Was a psychologist and philosopher

Without expectations, you no longer experience disappointments or resentment. Your contentment no longer hinges on any specific event, and you can enjoy the ups and downs of the adventure of life which appear as unexpected gifts from outside your own expectations.

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it." — Chief Seattle

You can stop taking everyone else's behavior personally — as if someone or the entire world is concentrating on making your life miserable.  Sorry, you're really not that important to most people, especially strangers, so stop taking yourself so seriously!

There is a saying that "happiness is nothing more than good health and bad memory",so promote good health and choose what you remember and think about.

Your fears of abandonment, failure, inadequacy, or weakness are all conditioned responses — created by a shortage of love — from even well-meaning family and friends. When a loved one looks at and treats you in a certain way, you unconsciously behave as if that person's perspective is an unchanging, undeniable truth. As unpleasant as it is, identifying and healing these wounds which diminish your confidence and self worth is critical to being able to tap into your real inner strength and energy. When a painful memory surfaces, feel it completely and compassionately to dissipate it's energy.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." — Buddha: was a spiritual teacher and founder of Buddhism

Anger is a secondary emotion, useful only to get your attention and prompt immediate action.  Afterwards it is simply concealing hurt feelings. Hanging onto to past anger and hurt requires an enormous amount of your energy. So even if you can't quite manage to forgive someone's past painful actions against you, at least let go of wanting revenge.  Accept and trust that everyone pays for their mistakes sooner or later!

"I don't forgive people because I am weak — I forgive them because I am strong enough to know that people make mistakes." — Unknown

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

Habitual Living

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."  — Mother Theresa

Your life is controlled by your habits: how you brush your teeth, sleep, drive a car, walk, think, feel, behave, etc. Habits allow you to move through your daily activities without spending energy on the how. They allow your mind to concentrate on the where. Not all habits are productive though because they determine your unconscious choices and often lead you in circles of failure by repeating what doesn't work.  Insanity is described as doing the same thing but expecting different results.

"Remember, you only have to succeed the last time." — Brian Tracy: Author, speaker, and consultant

To change the path of your life, you must change your habits.  Examine why you do something a certain way and make a conscious choice to replace those habits that aren't giving the desired results. You may only be able to make small adjustments at first, but bigger changes become easier due to initial successes. Accept and understand how your core beliefs drive your behavior — whether unconscious habits or conscious choices.

"Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy."  —Tony Robbins: Life-coaching author, adviser, and lecturer

Totally commit to changing one unproductive habit every three months, whether it's eating healthier, exercising regularly, getting organized, or simply no longer procrastinating.  Write down detailed, specific steps for adjusting a habit, find a buddy to help with moral support, and create reminders or a schedule to reinforce the new habit. 

"Nothing can add more power to your life than concentrating all your energies on a limited set of targets." — Nido Qubein

The most surprising result from changing just one habit is the shift in your perspective of your life.

"Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds." —Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Enjoy life now — it has an expiration date!

Be your own best friend

Too often people treat other people better than they treat themselves, or even expect to be treated. How is it that you can excuse failings and weaknesses in others but not in yourself? Bad choices are made when you don't have compassion for yourself or a good sense of self-worth.

"Stress occurs when the mind perceives you're not enough or don't have enough,"  — Eva Selhub, the senior staff physician at the Benson/Henry Institute for Mind/Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital and author of The Love Response (Ballantine).

Increase your ability to absorb and survive negative events by focusing on what YOU do that's worthwhile, good, likeable, and unique. 

• Stop concentrating on the negative thoughts and learn to actually like yourself.
• Finish the sentences "I deserve to. . ." and "I'm worthy of. . ." frequently throughout your day. 
• EVERY DAY, write down four new things about yourself and four new things about your life that you appreciate.
• Reward and calm yourself often with healthy and positive activities or snacks.

Getting Happy

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." — Friedrich Nietzsche

So you're in a slump, have the blahs, and definitely not feeling the joy about much of anything. You don't really feel like doing anything or communicating with anyone, so maybe you feel like you need to pamper yourself to get rid of the blues. Unfortunately, if you pig out on your favorite munchies and/or just hang around alone all day in your jammies, you're likely to feel even worse from the GUILT of eating unhealthy food and being unproductive and lazy.

"If we keep everything in balance, we are in harmony with ourselves and are at peace."  — Fools Crow, LAKOTA

Surprisingly, these actions are just the opposite of what you need to do to kick start your feelings. Alcoholics Anonymous has an expression that says, Fake it 'til you make it, based on the proven fact that actions come before feelings — not the other way around.

"...focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." — Greg Anderson

And because of this action first, feelings last, expressing negative feelings like anger or sadness are only going to stir up your negative emotions and make you feel worse. Find diversions to stop thinking about your issues, and stop hiding away and feeling sorry for yourself. Get out around people, preferably good friends, or at least go somewhere that perks you up, like a movie, museum, park, zoo, or even a shopping center. Do something you feel good about doing that excites you, like photography or painting, jogging or yoga, cleaning and donating.

"Forget the resolutions. Forget control and discipline...too much work. Instead try experimenting. Go in search of something to fall in love with...something about yourself, your career, your spouse." — Dale Dauten

You can't actually think yourself happy without going through the motions first. Get moving and count your blessing in order to really feel the happiness.

"We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery." — H. G. Wells

Concentrate on the Similarities

I've never understood why societies tend to notice the aspects that are different between members, rather than concentrating on the aspects of similarities.  I've both watched and personally experienced the phenomena of people who are not happy with each other uniting against a common problem.  How amazing when energies and passions are combined to produce more than double the results (synergy). 

 

As a simple but powerful example, consider the various religious quotes regarding "love they neighbor":

Full of love for all things in the world, practicing virtue in order to benefit others, this man alone is happy. -- Buddhism

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you... By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. -- Christianity

Seek to be in harmony with all your neighbors; live in amity with your brethren. --Confucianism

A man obtains a proper rule of action by looking on his neighbor as himself. --Hinduism

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. --Judaism

Regard Heaven as your father, Earth as your mother, and all things as your brothers and sisters. --Shintoism

Doesn't this sound like the distinct possibility that one God is speaking through all these religions? 

 

So whether it's religion, race, disabilities, weight, education, income, abilities, or any other of a host of 'differences' you may feel about another person, just concentrating on the 'similarities' is far healthier (for everyone), easier to maintain (requires much less of your energy), and overall leaves you feeling much more peaceful and serene about the choices you're making in your life.