"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility." — Sigmund Freud
Freedom comes in many forms: physical, emotional, financial, religious, etc. All require accepting the responsibility for acquiring and maintaining that freedom. Emotional freedom — from guilt, pain, shame, insecurity, resentment — all require you to do the work to identify and then to let go of the emotional baggage you've acquired over time.
"In order to live your freedom, you must first accept reality. 'These are the choices, and given those choices, which do I choose?' Whether the option you select is pleasant or painful does not alter the fact that, given reality, this is your preference. . .ask yourself, 'Why am I doing this?' and then notice whether, given the options, you are choosing what you really want, or whether you want to choose something else. Sometimes the exercise of freedom involves naming your poison — all choices may lead to outcomes that are in some way painful. But the real pain is that of feeling powerless — denying your freedom." — Christopher J. McCullough, author of Nobody's Victim
No one but YOU can change how you feel — about anything. . .because you always have a choice about how you feel. This is your responsibility, freedom, & right — to take good care of yourself. Learn to love yourself and to at least feel peacefulness if not happiness in all situations. In order to move forward in creating the contented reality you want, you've got to let go of the hurtful, guilty, or resentful feelings you've stuffed deep inside for years. YOUR reality won't be what you want if you leave it to others.
"Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves." — Dr. Rollo May
First, realize that the opposite of taking responsibility is blaming others or yourself. Guilt and shame go along with blame, so regardless of your childhood, romantic, social, or employment situations, you can choose to get rid of those feelings by forgiving yourself and others. You can recreate or re-image your image of yourself by honoring your life and the lives of others. You can go beyond understanding, acceptance, and even an apology to become the person you want to be.
"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind." — Isabelle Holland
Although some past experiences may be so horrific to you, you always have the choice to change how you feel about the event. You definitely can't change what happened, but you CAN stop your bitterness. It only continues making you feel like a victim. All those negative feelings are a constant burden, holding you (and your life) in one spot. Forgiveness requires nothing in return and offers only positive results.
"Whatever we have done, we can always make amends for it without ever looking back in guilt or sorrow." — Eknath Easwaran
You can start to forgive once you stop identifying yourself with the pain from an event. This doesn't mean in any way that you're condoning or making excuses for someone else's bad behavior. You're basically forgiving yourself and acknowledging that you weren't to blame for what happened. That acceptance allows you to then get in touch with and process your hidden feelings. Forgiveness is what you do for yourself — not for anyone else. Ironically, allowing yourself to feel and let go of your pain creates a new understanding of the pain also felt by those who have hurt you.
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